Wednesday 27 June 2012

Another Cyclopunk Exclusive: Schlecks' new sponsors!

Hot on the heels of news that Johan Bruyneel is in a spot of bother and today's revelation that Jakob Fuglsang has been made to go to his bedroom without any tea and has to stay there for the rest of the season, Cyclopunk's Copenhagen-based sister newspaper Overskud Lort has come up with the strongest evidence yet that the Brothers Schleck will be racing for a new team backed by a German sponsor in 2013.

Overskud Lort undercover journalist Spionclopunk has obtained apparently genuine documents showing that well-known candy manufacturer Haarigen Jungen - which amusingly produced black licorice coins named negertaler as late as 1993 - has signed an agreement to supply the new and as-yet un-named team (instructions on how to write and pronounce the new team's name are expected to be published a few months after it's revealed) with one bag of fizzy jelly rainbow-coloured frogs per day. It's understood that the sweets will be used to bribe Jens Voigt, whom the Schlecks recruited some years ago to prevent bigger boys from stealing their lunch money when UCI officials are looking the other way.

It's still not entirely clear how the team is to be financed, though Andy Schleck has been overheard saying that he knows a magical pixie who has promised him a pot of gold.

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